is it ever easy telling someone what you feel for them ? don’t you constantly fight the fear of losing ? we were locked up, same address, space and ration. we were too close since day one and this, is bad for the both of us. Maybe not for us but people have defined understanding to come with time, understanding is riskier when things are moving quick. humans haven’t been and still aren’t the kindest, keen or selfless for others. everyone has always thought only for themselves or what they think will be the best for you and this has lead to a very unstable way of communication between two potential lovers. we think more about how he/she would feel when we say we love them because other people have, they didn’t mean it,but you do. i asked her how she imagines a date should be and she said: “i want it to be special with the person, quite and exquisite”. i felt like i had very less options but that’s what the human mind tells you. we went out for grocery shopping. honestly, i hadn’t seen her face until that time correctly. and i must say, she is so fucking beautiful. we got stuff, i cooked, i made french toasts and coffee. not the finest that i have made but it was because i was shivering. we ate, she liked it or at least that is what she said when she gazed with a smile. i didn’t know what to say, didn’t understand how to arrange words, i was scared. i fired up my cigarette, took a deep breath and said “things didn’t go as planned, all of us are locked up but you know? nothing is planned and i like you, we click, we match and we talk. will you be my girlfriend ?” smiling she was, red she turned, covering her face and with a cute but un-steady voice, she said “ab toh bhav khaungi mai” (there isn’t a perfect meaning to “bhav” hindi word, “now i will be difficult/i’ll play hard to get” is the nearest i could get but it sounds negative in english). i said okay, i smiled and continued smoking. both of us got really comfortable, i started giving her massages while we watched movies. we shared naughty/funny stories and memes. after a while i started realizing i am getting attached to her, i am doing things for her on my own. she has started doing things she hides from others next to me. it is human nature to be inquisitive and needy but i have realized that humans themselves have fucked it up by overdoing it and then telling stories about it to people which turned into negetivity. sometimes i want to ask questions, questions i know she will answer honestly but questions that humans have made difficult to understand. i couldn’t control, i tried moving away, i tried thinking bad things, i tried crying it away but i couldn’t because i love her. but alas my saturation point hit me, i was nauseated with things i kept on thinking, things which were good, things which were sad and i asked her what was going on in her pretty little head. i said “see i might not be the aesthetically pleasing guy you were hoping for, i smoke a lot and honestly, those two are the only bad things i have but the only thing i know is i want to make you happy, everyday till i can. i want to know what’s in your heart, i want to know you! i want to spend my time with you” she cut in and told me why she wants to take time which i shall respectfully withhold. her saying all this honestly made me get even closer and love her more. i felt her skin on my lips, she felt it too!